Uncle Tommy

Just heard news from Mum that my uncle Tommy died yesterday morning in hospital. Very sad news. He was 89 and had been in hospital for the past few weeks after suffering a fall. He had been suffering from parkinson's for the past few years as well. He died around 6.30am. The nurse had taken him in a morning cup of tea and when she went back half an hour later he had passed.

He was a really great man, always had a smile and a joke no matter what was happening. I remember the tattoos he had on his arm, I was fascinated with them when I was a child, he had a mermaid tattoo and an anchor tattoo from being in the navy when he was younger. Also, when I used to work in the newspaper shop when I was a teenager he used to be down there at 6am every single morning to pick up his papers. He did that for years. We used to go to his house every Christmas too when him and my aunty would make us a big meal with loads of chocolate cake, blancmange, jellies, trifles and the like.

His passing is a slight sense of relief for my aunty and their side of the family as they were having to think about sorting out a nursing home for him as he was too sick to return to his own house but it will still be very hard for them to adjust, although the doctors had told my aunty he was too ill to return home if he made it through she was still in denial, talking about the adjustments she would need to make to the house for him, so at least things will be easier for them now.

So sad news to end what was otherwise an enjoyable weekend. And right when I'm preparing for my new job tomorrow as well. The world is a sad place sometimes.

RIP uncle tommy.

Lull

Pretty low on activity, more so than normal, experiencing a bit of a temporary lull.
Let me explain, everyone's near enough gone and left me from Manchester town so I'm all here on my lonesome. Well not quite, I still know people, but all my favourite people have gone. And my job is coming to an end, the company is going under near enough so it's bail out time. It's only myself and my manager in the office now as well, and we're spending most of our time searching job sites.

So couple them up, along with the time of year and my housemates accusing me of stealing things about the house makes this boy sink into a bit of a lull.

The plan is to find a new job, I'm getting a fair few recruitment firms calling me up etc so it's going the right way so far, and then after a month or so find a new home. It's all stuff that can and will be sorted, it's just the present is a little grey and miserable is all. Pretty much drained of all motivation.

Got a nice little trip down to Bath to meet the old gang coming up tomorrow though, hopefully that'll jumpstart me.

Having a little listen to The Like's new album right now. Can't say I'm massively impressed. Maybe it'll grow on me, I wasn't too keen on their first album though, apart from June Gloom.

Hurts (6/9/10) and Everything Everything (30/8/10) HMV Arndale Centre Manchester

The past two weeks I have taken full advantage of living in Manchester by witnessing two pretty amazing HMV instore performances by two pretty amazing Manchester bands. Namely Hurts and Everything Everything.

 The Everything Everything set was last Monday, they played I think five or six songs to a crowd of 150 people maximum in the HMV basement. I didn't even know the gig was happening until I checked twitter at work around 3pm. Made sure I was down there as soon as work finished. They were excellent.

Had a little extra warning for the Hurts set, an whole 24 hours extra. They played to around 200-250 people, bit larger audience, and I fear there were a fair few people who weren't allowed in as the queue was pretty long. They played a similar length set to Everything Everything. Have a feeling I was quite lucky to catch them in such an intimate venue, they're going to be pretty massive pretty quickly.

Short but sweet. Expect gushing posts about the new Manics and Weezer albums soon.

Libertines Reunion Musings

I am having to sit out this Libertines reunion furore as sadly I am about 200 miles away from London and completely skint. In hindsight there were ways that I could have maybe afforded it but hindsight is a beautiful and terrible thing. So simply, I am trying not to think about it. Which gets harder as more of my facebook, twitter and messageboards I post on realise they want to go and acquire tickets.

So when I appear to be completely ignoring it, I'm not. I would severely love to be down the front of the Forum tomorrow night. Here's hoping they reform properly and tour again, or at least announce more gigs after these. I am fully clued up now in as much as knowing how cheap it is to get a coach down to London, and have run through in my head how simple it would be to book a couple days holiday from work/call a sickie, so I'm all ready and able.

Ok I'm done on this subject. Tonight I shall watch the Big Brother final from the comfort of my bed, tomorrow night I shall do something else even to fill my time, and on the weekend I shall be in Devon. Never shall what I'm missing cross my mind.

Libertines Article In The Guardian Music Section Featuring Me.

The finished thing:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2010/aug/17/libertines-fans

Libertines Article In The Guardian Music Section Featuring Me.

So there is an article being published in the Guardian music section tomorrow about the Libertines, written by Tim Jonze, with quotes from an email interview he did with me. Exciting stuff. I am aware that I come across as a bit of a fanboy in it but hey, I am.

And then to follow next week, possibly Thursday, the entire email interview is going to be published up on the Guardian music blog, as Tim was flabergasted by the amount of stuff I actually wrote up for him he said it deserved to all be put out there, which was nice of him.

Exciting! I'll link it up here when it's published and stuff.

How I Learned To Love The Beatles

As a teenager I always rejected The Beatles. Originally I just passed them over as music my mum liked, one of my earliest memories is going through her record collection and seeing her copy of 'Revolver', on the back she had written "Paul, John, George, Ringo" with hearts drawn all over. Then as I got into the Manics and The Clash I rejected them for more ideological reasons, one of my favourite Manics quotes is the "I laughed when Lennon got shot" line from Motown Junk, and the line "No Elvis, Beatles or The Rolling Stones" from The Clash's 1977 was daubed all over my school textbooks, and this stuck with me for a long time.

My friends were into The Beatles, my best friend while I was growing up tried time and time again to get me into them, he would play The White Album when we were sat around his house on rainy weekend afternoons and make me compilation tapes but I was just never receptive to them.

Over time there was a slight shift, I became less obsessed by the bands who I immersed myself in when I was growing up and my reasons for not listening to The Beatles made less sense than before. I gave Rubber Soul a listen and was bowled over by how much I simply liked it and the simple pop of their early tracks like "I Wanna Hold Your Hand", "She Loves You", "Do You Want To Know A Secret?" became impossible not to love.

This happened over a period of five years, up until this point I would just download an album as I thought about it or as I heard a song of theirs I liked. Then around two months ago that same friend of mine I talked about earlier got me to go see a Beatles tribute band at the Cavern club in Liverpool with him. From that night until now I have had Beatles songs swimming around my head pretty much daily.

Today I have gone to whole distance and am downloading the box set. I now intend to listen to it fully and know those albums as well as I know The Smiths and the Manics. That is a big statement for me to make but I shall do it.

BAM! Another Interview Down

Around 11pm last night I managed to complete my piece of writing about why I would be good at working within the industrial division of this recruitment firm, and I emailed it over to them as requested. This morning I checked my phone during my break at work, had a missed call from the agency so I rang them back. They wanted to see me for another interview, this time with the head of the industrial division. Got one booked for after work.

So after work today I went in, had a chat with them, got told what the job would require, where it would lead, all the important bits and pieces, and it seemed to go ok. They have a few more people to interview but the guy said I may possibly be asked back for a third interview with the director of the company if I'm successful.

The only thing I wasn't so happy about is the fact that as I was going straight from work I had no time inbetween to spruce myself up. When I looked at myself in the mirror when I got home I looked an absolute state. My hair was everywhere, my eyes looked possessed, I looked generally flustered. I'm hoping this happened between the interview and home though, I was pretty much in a daze for a while immediately after.

So now I just sit and wait with crossed fingers. I would so like this job. My current job is wearing me down now. It's doing the same to the people I work with too. The office is kind of divided into two at the moment. Three of us are relatively normal, the other half could easily have just stepped off the set of Shameless. General bad atmosphere everywhere, makes for very unenjoyable workdays.

Major Procrastination

Right now I am supposed to be writing a piece about why a certain sector of industry would be the most suitable for me to be a recruitment consultant in. I had an interview on Friday for a recruitment firm and I had to go away and write a piece to email them over this weekend. I have been putting it off and putting it off. At nine o'clock I shall do it, for definite. Hopefully it will be quite quick and painless to do. Now you have been informed anyway. What to do to waste some time next?

Documenting Some Nights Out In Manchester

Over the past week I've been on two big drinking binges in Manchester, I am getting used to the city more now and so I need to have a good knowledge of the city's bars and pubs, so this is all acceptable research I would say.

On both days the session has started at the Dry Bar on Oldham Street, I am yet to go there at night and I know it has a bit of a reputation as far as football is concerned but the two times I have been in there it has come across as a decent place. It used to be owned by Peter Hook and still has the Factory decor. The music is good and between 4-7.30 they do a range of 2 for 1 cocktails, alabama slammers and brambles for me, highly recommended drinks.

Both times we spent several hours here. Both times we started there around 4pm, on the first day we left there around 6pm and from there we went to the Wetherspoons at Piccadilly Gardens. We had literally one shot of raspberry sambuca here as it was really busy, in the middle of being refurbished and full of scumbags. Afterwards we stopped in Yates, had a shot of sambuca which came in a test tube, a pint and some cocktail or other, whilst sharing a bowl of nachos. Incidentally I found out that I actually like salsa, jalapeno peppers, sour cream and guacamole through that bowl of nachos.

Next we went on to the Thirsty Scholar on Oxford Road, nice place, nice music, cheap drinks, a very traditional old fashioned looking pub. Here I took a tequila shot which I really shouldn't have, and another pint. For me the night went rather hazy from there but I was informed we went to the Deaf Institute and the Kyoto Lounge which is basically a big cafe/lounge/bar with computer game screens all the way around, apparently I got my ass beat at Street Fighter a fair few times. And then I ended up home around midnight.

On the second day, yesterday, we started at a similar time, same place, same drinks, Kirsty joined us for one for a little break as she is moving flat this weekend. This time we stayed in the northern quarter, we went to a bar called Cord which is literally a small bar with a few booths and a downstairs basement filled with black suede covered loungers. We had a pint in here and then went on to the Walrus bar which has a crazy decor, all turqouise with lit up marble tables. We got another couple of cocktails in here and then moved on to another pub although it's name escapes me right now, across the road to TV21s, I like that place but the girl I was out with knows a load of people there so I was pretty much abandoned as soon as we got there. And finally we went to the Star & Garter which is a great place, but I was fully abandoned there within half an hour so ended up leaving pretty soon.

I am going to end that night there though as there was a whole taxi debacle, driver took me to the middle of nowhere and made me pay him for the pleasure, so I had to spend another hour trying to find my way home again, but as I said I was quite drunk by that point so it will be pretty easy to blank it from my memory.

All in all they were a couple great days of drinking. Here's to many more please, oh fair city of Manchester! I have only skimmed the surface of discovering Manchesters drinking venues, this excites me a lot.

Three Albums That Changed My Life

Different Class - Pulp

I was only 12 or 13 when I got this album. Until then I was mainly listening to mid 90s dance compilation tapes and the odd bit of Oasis and Blur. Remember hearing Common People, Disco 2000 and Mis-shapes on the radio and really wanting to hear more of them. I bought the Mis-shapes/Sorted For E's and Whizz single on cassette initially and got the album after. It was the first album I ever owned that I wasn't comfortable about listening to around my parents. I didn't really get half of it myself at the time but that didn't deter me.

Generation Terrorists - Manic Street Preachers

A little after getting into Pulp Everything Must Go by the Manics was released, wasn't too taken with them the first time I heard them, I didn't get Design For Life at all, it wasn't until the Everything Must Go single was released that I started to like them. Bought Generation Terrorists and Gold Against The Soul a little while after not knowing much about them as a band yet still and having no previous knowledge of the albums. I couldn't get into Generation Terrorists initally, quite liked Gold Against The Soul but it wasn't really the kind of music I was into at that point. Then I remember my best friend at the time was telling me at school that he'd listened to this brilliant Manics song called Stay Beautiful off their first album. I went home that night and skipped to that track. It just clicked that time. I went back to the beginning of the album and listened from the start and just got it. Little Baby Nothing jumped out at me next, and then I was off.

I spent the next five years just consuming everything I could to do with the Manics. Went through a Holy Bible period, bought as many of their singles as I could find at record fairs and later on ebay (in the pre-download age, if you didn't own the physical cd singles you never got to hear the b-sides). I read loads of books they referenced and listened to all the bands they talked about. They got me out of my britpop bubble and listening to The Clash, the Sex Pistols, The Cure. I was completely hooked.

Up The Bracket - The Libertines

Utterly fantastic band, utterly fantastic album. They blew my love of music pretty much wide open, their gigs were the greatest gigs I've ever attended and they just took their influences from everywhere. The Manics wore their influences on their sleeves whereas the Libertines were much more subtle yet at the same time very blatent. Where the Manics took in certain bands and influences and rejected others quite fiercely the Libertines just took everything in. So it fully rounded off my musical taste, it made me want to delve deeply into 70s punk, The Smiths and Morrissey, 60s guitar pop. Through Libertines connected clubnights and other bands I got into such a wide range of music, met loads of people and just completely lived it for a couple of years.


I'm pretty sure I'll have new bands and albums that I really love in the future but those three albums are the only ones that had a massive impact on my life other than me just liking the music a lot. I don't think any other bands in the future ever will either. These things only mean as much in your formative years.

Nothing Gets Crossed Out - Bright Eyes

"Well the future's got me worried such awful thoughts
My head's a carousel of pictures, the spinning never stops
I just want someone to walk in front
And I'll follow the leader
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs
I almost forgot who I was
But came to my senses

Now I'm trying to be assertive, I'm making plans
Want to rise to the occasion, yeah meet all their demands
But all I do is just lay in bed
And hide under the covers

Yeah I know I should be brave
But I'm just too afraid of all this change

And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt
I keep making this to-do list but nothing gets crossed out
Working on the record seems pointless now
When the world ends who's gonna hear it?

But I'm trying to take some comfort in written words
Yeah Tim, I heard your album and it's better than good
When you get off tour I think we should
Hang and black out together

Cause I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by
All those summers singing, drinking, laughin', wasting our time
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled
In those basements made of music?

But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all
I'm not as strong as I thought

So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out
I long to be found, the grass grew high, I laid down
Now I'll wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand
I've been laying so long, don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more, don't wanna lay here no more

Everything that happens is supposed to be
And it's all pre-determined, can't change your destiny
Guess I'll just keep moving, someday maybe
I'll get to where I'm going"

I absolutely love Bright Eyes. 'Lifted Or The Story Is In The Soil So Keep Your Ear To The Ground' mostly, it's amazing. I get a night every couple of months where I just sit and listen to them, obviously it's not the happiest of music but it just fits in with a definite mood every once in a while and his words get right under the skin.

A Rather Nice Weekend

Currently I'm lying on my bed after scoffing down a late night diet coke, galaxy caramel and packet of crisps. Having a 24 hr garage ten minutes up the road is a good thing for me and makes for quite a fitting end to an allround decent couple of days.

Saturday started a little slowly, I laid in until way after 1pm, got my things on and bussed into town with the intention of finding a cashpoint and taking out some cash to get fish and chips with. Once in town I was tempted by Archies Fastfood and Shakes place on Oxford Road, ended up getting myself the best mars bar milkshake I have ever tasted, it's one of those proper milkshake places where they put actual whole chocolate bars in a blender to make your drink with. I am a milkshake addict if you didn't already know.

I got the bus back over to Old Trafford then, started to walk down my road to the chippy when I got a text from Meredith asking if I wanted to go for some food and drinks, I happily replied yes, turned around and walked back to my place. When I met up with her we decided to go to Frankie & Benny's. She hadn't been to a proper restaurant the whole time she's been here so that was pretty cool. We got garlic doughballs for starter, then I had a pepperoni pizza, she had chicken strips and chips, and for afters she had tiramisu and I had a cookie and cream explosion, which was a large warm chocolate chip cookie with ice cream and whipped cream on top. That was easily the best meal I've had in the last three months and fantastic company as well which always makes things better. We pretty much chatted nonstop the whole meal through, her complaining about her housemates and boys and stuff, me complaining about my job and my family.

Afterwards she needed to go to the Hard Rock Cafe in the Printworks to get a shot glass as a souvenir for her brother's shot glass collection, then we walked up to Piccadilly Gardens and parted ways, I then carried on up to Oldham Street to my sister's place, sat on her bed for an hour whilst she got ready, blasting out some songs from my iphone. When she was ready we got a taxi down to the Club Academy where she was playing a battle of the bands contest.

I love my sister's band, they're a grungy rock band really with a definite pop edge, kind of like Garbage I suppose. They didn't get through to the next round of the contest though, that didn't have anything to do with how good they are or anything, it was purely down to the fact that they only brought about ten people with them whereas the other bands had 20+ and it was a voting thing. So no one was too dissapointed.

Several drinks were drank and afterwards we went back to Kirsty's flat for a bit of a party. Finally crashed around about 4am, woke up at noon today with a cracking headache. Lounged about the flat a little more and eventually came back to my house this afternoon and slept until around 7pm. Now I'm feeling great, if a little too awake for 10.25pm.

I have work in the morning, groan, and I have to be in early as I have the keys to the office in my back pocket. Hoping to get word on how the job interviews went too tomorrow. Fingers crossed! If it's negative responses I'll be straight back looking for more work. I will have a new job soon, I'm sure of it!

One Lonely, Empty Room.

This room is hideously empty. When I first looked around this house I was shown all of the rooms and this one is definitely the largest, if not the second largest, it has a view looking out onto a park across the road with two massive windows which let loads of sunlight in. Then inside there's this double bed, one chest of drawers I was given by a friend of my sister's who was moving house and needed somewhere to offload it, and a television set on the floor that I bought from another friend of my sister's for £20. Sadly I cannot yet afford a stand of any kind to put the tv on, an indoor aerial or a digibox for it. There are two built in wardrobes at the side of the room housing my clothes. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the entire inventory of my bedroom.

The main problem here is that I am incredibly poor right now. I will even admit to you here and now that I have taken to borrowing money from a short term loan company pretty much monthly to see me through to pay days. This is a very sorry state of affairs. As I have documented here, I am currently going to job interviews to try and find a higher paid position which will help me out of this slump, but for the time being this is very much where I am.

What would I do to this room if I had some money? Good question. First I would buy a desk. Currently I lay or sit on my bed when using my laptop, which gives me terrible shoulder ache and makes me feel incredibly tired. With a desk I would feel much more like writing longer pieces and for greater periods of time. Currently I only seem to deliver short sharp bursts.

Next on my shopping list would be a record player. Vinyl is one of my greatest loves but sadly that indulgence is currently on hold as I have nothing to play it. On the rare occasion I do see a piece of vinyl that I want badly I still buy it and afterwards feel a bit of a fool as I really do have no use for it right now.

Lastly I would buy some kind of decoration for my room, some kind of artwork to hang on the walls. I feel too old for posters with blu-tak. And that is my room. It's nothing too fancy, I am a simple person with simple wants. Although at this moment in time that sounds like a luxury to me.

Let's hope my fortune changes very soon.

Job Interview Number 2

Just realised I hadn't finished the second part of my job interview saga.
This interview was a total different beast. I had been put forward for this job by someone from a recruitment agency and so all the information I had on it was from him, and he had been given the information by his contacts at the company. This job is with a second-charge and bridging loan firm in the centre of town, the job itself would involve me phoning people who were enquiring about taking out a loan or who had previously taken out loands regularly and basically asking them to take out another loan.

The recruitment firm had initally told me that it was going to be a one on one interview. I got to the building, which is in another tower block just off Oxford Road, next to the BBC building, was asked to wait in reception for around twenty minutes and then shown into a meeting room. A lady came in, she introduced herself as the telemarketing team leader, and said it was a three part interview, first of all I would need to fill in a psychological assessment questionaire, secondly I would need to take part in a role playing exercise and finally I would have the interview. Completely did not expect any of this.

The psychological assessment thing was silly, just as they usually are. Mark down which word out of four is most like you and which is least like you. Then it was time for the role play, this did not go brilliantly. Although the basic structure was ok and they probably got an idea of my telephone voice and they way I address customers on the phone, I stammered, went over the same things several times and when the lady came back into the room she told me that I hadn't done enough of a needs analysis and I could have asked the caller more about theirs needs and how they would use the product I was selling. So not a fantastic result.

The actual interview itself seemed to go ok though, it was rather run of the mill, she asked a lot about my telesales experience and how I was currently performing. I asked a few questions at the end, and all seemed pretty adequate.

So now it's just a waiting game. The recruitment consultant called me earlier just to let me know that he had contacted the firm for some feedback but both the team leader and his HR contact were away for the day so they'd let me know the result on Monday. If I'm offered this one I will accept it. But if the first job then contact me with an offer I will drop this one so fast you couldn't believe. But I'm open to either of them still.

And the calls are still coming in with offers for different positions, so if both of these are unsuccessful there are still plenty more chances out there. I'll just need to figure out a way to fit interviews around work.

heyrichey.tumblr.com

Just so you know, I also have http://heyrichey.tumblr.com.

It's relatively new is purposely easier going than this. Blogspots are supposed to be wordy. Tumblr's are prettier. Expect photos. Of bands. And small captions explaining whatever was on my mind when I sought out the photos.

I've had it a while but I've only just recently started updating it so yes, enjoy! I need to make it look a bit better if I can work out how.

Job Interview Number 1

That is the closest I get to looking smart. I think the hair ruins things but I should have thought about that before the day of my interviews!
Anyway, interview number one is complete. It was possibly the best interview I've ever had, I felt quite relaxed, confident in what I was saying, interested in the job and the company and happy with the way I was coming across.
First of all this firm is on Salford Quays, Salford Quays is Manchester's answer to Canary Wharf really, massive intimidating buildings housing hundreds of high-flying business firms. It is however only a twenty minute walk from my house which is in Old Trafford. Again, very similar to the Canary Wharf situation as Old Trafford is a slightly poorer run down area in close proximity to an affluent business district just as the East End of London is. So initially as I walked up to this massive glass building I felt the nerves creeping in. Was directed up to the office and the nerves slowly drained. Everybody there seemed personable and down to earth. I was then shown into a room, offered a drink and told the interviewee would be with me very soon.

The team leader came in, shook my hand, and off it went. Most interviews seem to drag for me but this one just seemed to fly by. I was told a little about the business, then asked questions about myself, where I saw myself in the future, why I wanted to work for the company, previous employment etc. Then if I had any questions, which I did, I asked why the position had come up, what training would happen. So all was going swimmingly, the interviewer liked that I mentioned how I get to work 10 minutes before each shift to prepare for the day. Then he asked a question right out of the blue "The target wage here for the telemarketer role is £16-18k, what would you expect to be on when you first start?". The major point with this role that the team leader had been trying to impress upon me was that they were looking for someone with lesser experience, who they could train up. So my response was "£16k I suppose, aiming for the wage to rise as I gain more experience and make more money for the business".

At that point the interviewer's face dropped. "Well there's no right or wrong answer for that question, but you shouldn't sell yourself short. We can always negotiate down with your salary, so you start at £18k and then you want to keep yourself at that top level. In future interviews, I'm not saying that you haven't been successful here, but in future interviews never sell yourself short. The right man deserves to receive that right level of pay." So basically, wrong answer! My heart sank completely then.

But who knows, he said they'll contact me either tomorrow or early next week with a result, so my fingers are still firmly crossed. And I also have another interview this afternoon so we'll see how that one goes. I feel slightly more prepared for it after this morning's as well. Going to hurry off now and swat up a little more. Sure there are some rough edges around some answers that I can sort out.

Blue Tuesday

What a gloomy day it's been today. My heart has sank to somewhere about my diaphragm, my stomach keeps grumbling. Also thanks to last night being hideously humid I've been in a half-sleep state all day and will have to sleep in a bed minus pillow and duvet covers tonight due to the amount of sweat that oozed from me.

Basically grey skies = grey mind. Listening to Florence and The Machine which is nice. I discovered there's a brand new Mystery Jets album tonight too, well when I say brand new it is actually a couple weeks old now but I had no idea that it existed. When I listened to it it sounded good. Last night I listened to Mary Margaret O'Hara's Miss America which was good too, I'd listened to a couple of tracks of hers previously and wasn't too taken but hearing the album in full I was majorly impressed.

The rain's still pouring out and there's an ambulance siren going in the distance. Welcome.

First Aid Kit - The Deaf Institute - Manchester - 16/7/10

Went to The Deaf Institute last night to see First Aid Kit play.
First up was the great Jo Rose who performed a set of Gram Parsons inspired folk songs, bringing the First Aid Kit girls on for a cover at the end.

Then First Aid Kit played a brilliant twee indie folk set with mainly songs from their album and eps, with a Fleet Foxes cover and also another Gram Parsons cover. Note to self - must listen to some Gram Parsons.

  Great couple of bands. Definitely worth checking First Aid Kit out if you can. Here's a video of a song they did last night called Our Own Pretty Ways.

Religion

This is a bit of a heavy subject but whatever, it's nice to think about things like this once in a while and to get it out onto a page so you can see what those thoughts look like and how they fit together outside of your head.

Religion has always been a part of my life. Some people these days are born and live without coming into contact with religion at all and it has no impact on their life. Religion has been a part of my life though since birth. And not a strict regimented religion either, my mum is a baptist, but my dad is an atheist, or at least doesn't approach the subject at all. So I have been taught and shown religious values, I went to Sunday school and church every week until I was 13, but never told that I have to be religious myself, it's always been my choice.

As a baptist you don't get christened at birth, you have a dedication service where you're taken to the front of the church and officially introduced but as far as having your original sin washed away, that doesn't happen until you choose to have it happen and officially take God into your life. And so I have never been baptised. As I said I have never been told I have to be a Christian, the choice has always been my own.

So when I think of Christianity and religion now I come at it from an educated viewpoint. The bible was one of the first books I ever read, I had religious fables told to me week in, week out for the first 13 years of my life, I am very aware that a major part of life is death and the possibility of what comes after it, if anything comes after it at all.

But I also know about the great sense of community the church gives to people who need it, my parents are both retired and drawing their pensions, have fully paid up their mortgage and have a comfortable amount of savings now but in the past, whilst me, my brother and sister were growing up, they struggled. At one point they had no money whatsoever and were going through a really rough patch, but a friend of my mum's through the church leant them a large amount of money not expecting it to be paid back. My parents have paid a substantial amount of it back since though the people who leant it were reluctant to take it, but that sense of community I think is just so great. Not only that, my dad is very ill, he has been my entire life, and my mum is his carer. She has had so much support from other people in the church it has been invaluable for her. And my dad. Just complete selflessness from people, I know you could say that's just a friendship thing, but I think it's more than that, it's concern and care for people who have the same beliefs as yourself and who are all working for the same cause. However questionable the cause is.

And so I have never been anti-religion. I see the bible as a handbook to life and society. If everyone was able to live by the advice written in the bible the world would be a much better place. Those that do find comfort in the bible and do lead their lives as it tells them, I envy.

This is where the problem comes, as human beings we all approach things differently and have differing interpretations of the same thing. Some people who are more arrogant and self-important than others aren't content with just living their life in that way themselves, they believe it should be imposed on other people in an aggressive manner. Note I talk about religion here, not Christianity alone. Every religion is just as valid as rules for living, all religions should be allowed to exist side by side, each religious community understand that the other believes differently rather than trying to prove theirs is the right one. It may even come down to financial greed as well, the heads of churches wanting to find more money for their churches and so try to convert more and more people to their belief system, I'm unsure what drives it but that part of religion is wrong and is the only thing about it that I disagree with. That shouldn't mean an eradication of the church and religions entirely though, definitely not, and atheists who are strongly against religions even existing, who think of religious people as being stupid to think that such a thing might exist are heartless, callous creatures in my eyes.

Religion I think is very important. Personally, I cannot fathom death. The idea that when we die that is it, that we stop existing completely. I cannot comprehend it and when I try to I get filled with the greatest sense of fear, it has been known to send me into week long depressions. The idea of religion is the perfect antedote for this. If you let yourself believe in religion, that is the answer. You needn't have that fear when you truly consider non-existance and death because as far as you are concerned that's not going to happen. Even when you die you do not have that fear when you pass away, as far as you are concerned you are going to heaven. What actually happens after that doesn't matter because your brain won't be functioning to know or experience it.

Can you see were I'm coming from then, in my belief that religion isn't a bad thing, that in fact it is a brilliant thing and for some people is their whole life?

I've never been able to take it on myself though. I see all of the above, but at the same time my mind is simply too rational to just let myself believe that. I wish so badly I could believe in it but I can't. Not for now anyway. I don't believe in heaven, I definitely don't believe in hell, I also don't believe that the bible is a reliable text, I don't believe that Jesus simply popped into Mary's womb from out of nowhere, got killed on the cross and rose again of his own accord three days later. I do believe in Jesus but I don't believe in those events. For instance, there is a version of the bible in which Jesus was crucified on the cross but instead of dying there he was made to inhale a mixture of herbs which would have knocked him out, possibly for a number of days. The fact that such arguments like this exist but are never accepted or discussed by the church even though it is a fact that differing versions and translations of the bible do exist makes me unable to simply accept it.

As far as the life and death thing is concerned then, I simply cannot comprehend non existance. There is a lot in the claim that sleep is the brother of death, sleep is probably the closest we can come to experiencing death and an absolute stillness of consciousness, but even then during sleep we dream. I am a strong believer in the spirit. To not believe in the spirit is a very modern disease. Science may not be able to prove the existance of the spirit but that does not by any means mean it does not exist. Science has not disproven the existance of the spirit either. It is still an open question. To call the non-existance of the spirit a definite is ignorance.

I do not know myself yet what I believe in terms of this. The closest I have come to defining it so far is possibly buddism, the belief that we are eternal consciousness, that we reincarnate, egos and personalities are bound to the earth through nurture and the environment we live in, we are here to experience. I can't tell you the hows and whys but that doesn't mean that none exist.

Simply, I am open minded to everything apart from those who try to impose their own beliefs, or lack of beliefs, onto other people. We do what we can to make it through life and survive. There may be a truth or reason out there but at the moment we don't know what it is, no one does, not the religious or the atheists. If believing that what they believe is the truth gets them through life then no one should dare turn around and tell them they're wrong.

Head Fully Under The Internet Waters (No Coming Up For Air Now)

I swear I've sat in my room every night for the past week just messing about online. I rarely use the rest of this house apart from the bathroom to have a wash in, and I'm growing increasingly more paranoid that my housemates may be getting offended by my lack of sociability. I don't do it on purpose, I would just genuinely rather sit in my room of a night reading about music, indulging random whims on spotify, stalking old friends on facebook, firing off reams of sentence long thoughts on twitter and writing pages of nonsense on blogspot than sit in front of the tv all evening watching comedy central. Not that I have anything against comedy central, it is tv that I like. I just like the internet way more than any tv.

Now if they would all take their laptops downstairs with me and we could just sit on the sofas communicating with each other that way, I'd be well up for that!

It's raining out, and I've spent all evening reading up on jobs that some recruitment firms want to put me forward for. They seem like proper real adult jobs, well one of them does anyway. This scares me. I know I am a 27 year old man but I swear the adult switch has never flicked in me. This one job is proper booking appointments for a real life employment law man to attend, so it's all about calling businesses up, networking, using your own initiative to find leads. Now I am intelligent, I am articulate, I have a phone voice that people love, but I am also incredibly apathetic. So to fit a job like that, nine or maybe ten hour days in a fast work environment such as that, it would be a whole different life to me. I would need to lose the apathy entirely and become something different. Scarey stuff! I have a phone interview for it tomorrow anyway. See how it goes.

May or may not be going to see First Aid Kit tomorrow night at the Deaf Institute. Which could be good.

An Evening Next To The Radio

I am spending tonight sat on my bed, listening to BBC 6 Music. Very rarely do I listen to 6 Music, I'm not sure why that is. Right now listening to this is the closest I have ever been to listening to John Peel sat in my halls of residence room at uni. Mainly I'm listening to it because Silvery are on and they're quite good.

Pretty certain I'm staying holed up in my room all night. Considering going to watch First Aid Kit play at the Deaf Institute on Friday night. Other than that there's not much planned this week for me. I should find something to do in the middle of the week or else I risk my brain turning to total mulch. Who do I know who would meet me for a drink? Question.

My bottle of diet coke has run dry. I shall drink no more of that brain rotting chemical gruel now. That's my final sweet, sweet taste of it!

Tonight then, I shall go to the bathroom to empty my bladder, slip my pyjamas on, then continue to lose myself in 6 Music, and when 9 o clock inevitably arrives I shall plunder Spotify a little until sleeping.

A General Round-Up Of Nothing Much

The past week has been quite bland. Work-wise I seem to have upped my game a little which is a nice feeling. Outside of work I've mainly been sleeping. Apart from Tuesday night's Kate McGill gig. I will make the effort now to go to at least one gig a week. There's so much happening here that I've just not gone to look for. My apathy is my one main enemy.

Weird thing, I've developed a major love for The Courteeners. This is partly due to my living in Manchester, I keep noticing the Manchester references which never meant anything to me before, and also due to their excellent Glastonbury set. I didn't expect anything of them before but that set just blew me away, it was a pretty straight forward indie rock set but I suppose there's so little quality straight forward indie rock out there at the moment that it makes them stand out more. It's all indie electro now which I like but it's still nice to have proper good indie guitar bands around as well. I mention this because I listen to a Courteeners album every couple of days now which three weeks ago would have been unheard of for me.

I'm considering going to a club tonight, flying solo. This scares me as I haven't done it in years but I suppose if I get to a good indie club it should be fine. I just have a big urge to get out there and spend time around people I'm not used to spending time around. That was the reason I moved here after all, to meet new people and put myself out there. So far I've not been too successful in that, I do know new people but they're all my sister's friends or the few people I work with and I just haven't really seemed to connect with them fully. That's the plan anyway.

This afternoon is perfect for a nice cool shower and to munch on a bag of belgian chocolate chunk cookies. So I shan't waste anymore of it on here.

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

I'm in an incredibly melancholic mood tonight. Other than that Imogen Heap's set was one of my Glastonbury highlights this year. This song is amazing.

I Only Have Eyes For You - Peggy Lee

Neutron Star Collision - Muse

"A neutron star is a type of remnant that can result from the gravitational collapse of a massive star during a Type II, Type Ib or Type Ic supernova event. Such stars are composed almost entirely of neutrons, which are subatomic particles without electrical charge and a slightly larger mass than protons. Neutron stars are very hot and are supported against further collapse because of the Pauli exclusion principle. This principle states that no two neutrons (or any other fermionic particle) can occupy the same place and quantum state simultaneously."

I was searching
You were on a mission
Then our hearts combined like
A Neutron Star Collision

I had nothing left to lose
You took your time to choose
Then we told eachother with no trace of fear that

Our love would be forever
And if we died
We died together
And I
I said never
Cause our love would be forever

The world is broken
And halo's fail to glisten
We tried to make a difference but
No one wants to listen
Hail, the preachers fake and proud
Their doctrines will be cloud
Then they'll dissipate
Like snowflakes in an ocean

Love is forever
And we'll die
we'll die together
And I
I said never
Cause our love could be forever

Now, I've got nothing left to lose
You take your time to choose
I can tell you now without a trace of fear
That my love will be forever
And we'll die
we'll die together
And I
I will never
Cause our love
Will be forever

Kate McGill - Moho Live - Manchester 6/7/10

I decided to take myself down to Moho Live on an otherwise uninspiring Tuesday night this week to have a listen to Kate McGill. If you are yet to be made aware of her, she is the current Queen of Youtube. Searching for her name on the site will bring you up a massive long reel of cover videos she has recorded over the past couple of years from a gigantic load of artists including The Shins, Rihanna, MGMT, Paramore, Bright Eyes, Laura Marling and Lady Gaga. Armed with this slight bit of knowledge I went to see what to make of her.

The gig tonight is a sit-down only affair, a bit of a new experience, we are told this is because her second guitarist forgot to bring a stand for her keyboard so if she's sitting on the floor then so are we all. Supported by a few local acoustic performers Kate eventually takes to, or rather sits on, the stage herself. Tonight is a chance for her to play mainly her own original material which is every bit as good as the current crop of female singer-songwriters, part Ellie Goulding, part Laura Marling, her music is very mainstream acoustic pop but with a definite indie tinge, and that's in the songs themselves, not just in her haircut.

Toward the end of the set we are reminded of her Youtube fame as a member of the audience calls for her to play her cover of Paramore's The Only Exception, to which she gladly complies, but it is her original material which really stands out tonight, songs such as I'm Tired and Melancholy Melody prove that there is infinitely more to Kate McGill than some Top 40 covers recorded in her bathroom on a webcam. So expect big things from her in the future.

 

Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/katem3
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/katem3

Airplanes part 2 - B.O.B feat. Haley Williams and Eminem

Favourite chart song of the moment.

Pebble Ridge

Originating from as far afield as Brunei, Malaysia and deepest, darkest North Devon, and having spent two years writing and recording a gigantic wealth of material, PebbleRidge have finally found themselves based in Manchester and ready to set the city’s top gig venues on fire. Bringing with them a massive range of tunes from the blissed-out surf pop of To The Beach, to the snarling riff laden rocker This Mess, and limitless influences inbetween, they are a definite must see for all alt. rock fans of every musical persuasion.

To those in the know the name PebbleRidge may conjure up images of surfing and summertime as the actual ridge of pebbles they take their name from can be found by a little known seaside resort on the North Devon coast, but onstage they come across as Skunk Anansie, Evanescence and Alanis Morrissette’s eternally dissatisfied younger siblings, lead singer Kirsty Day’s sugar sweet yet staggeringly powerful vocals scattering effortlessly over the group’s grunge metal guitar swarm.

Not suprisingly they are through to round 3 of the Surface Unsigned battle of the bands contest so make sure you catch them (and vote for them!!) at Club Academy on the 24th July.

Check out the PebbleRidge Myspace: http//www.myspace.com/thepebbleridgeband


A little piece I've written for a website on my sister's band. First thing I've written for an actual specific purpose in a long time.

Oh No!

Eminem - Talkin' 2 Myself

Is anybody out there?
It feels like I'm talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
It guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I'm going insane
Am I the one whose crazy?

So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I'm on my own
Is there anyone out there
Who feels the way I feel
If there is then let me in so I know that I'm not the only one

I went away I guess to open up some lanes
But there was no one who even knew what I was going through- growing pains
Hatred was flowing through my veins
On the verge of going insane
I almost made a song dissin Lil Wayne
It's like I was jealous of him cause the attention he was gettin'
I felt horrible about myself
He was spittin and I wasn't
Anyone who was buzzin back then coulda got it
Almost went at Kanye too
God it feels like I'm goin' psychotic
Thank god that I didn't do it
I would of had my ass handed to me
And I knew it but proof wasn't here to see me through it
I'm in the booth poppin another pill tryna talk myself into it
Are you stupid? You gon' start dissin people for no reason?
Especially when you can't even write a decent punchline even
You're lying to yourself, you're slowly dying, you're denying
Your health is declining with your self esteem, you're crying out for help

Marshall you're no longer the man, that's a bitter pill to swallow
All I know is I'm wallowin self-loathing and hollow
Bottoms up on the pill bottle maybe I'll hit my bottom tomorrow
My sorrow right goes in this hall though
But I must be talkin to the wall though
I don't see nobody else ( I guess I keep talkin to myself)
But all these other rappers suck is all that I know
I've turned into a hater I've put up a false bravado
But Marshall is not a egomaniac that's not his motto
He's not a desperado he's desperate it's startin to bottle inside em
One foot on the brake one on the throttle
Fallin asleep with writers block in the parking lot of mcdonalds
But instead of feeling sorry for yourself do something about it
Admit you got a problem you brain is clouded you pouted long enough
It isn't them it's you you fuckin baby
Quit worrying about what they do and do Shady
I'm fucking going crazy

So I pick myself off the ground and fuckin slam before I drown
Hit my bottom so hard I bounce twice suffice this time around
It's different them last two albums didn't count
Encore I was on drugs, Relapse I was flushing em out
I've come to make it up to you no more fucking around
I've got something to prove to fans I feel like I let em down
So please accept my apology I finally feel like I'm back to normal
I feel like me again-
Let me formally reintroduce myself to you for those of you who don't know
The new mes back to the old me and homie I don't show no
Signs of slowin up, pullin up, blowin up, all over no mo
My life is no longer a movie but the shows aint over homos
I'm back with a vengeance homie Weezy keep ya head up
TI keep ya head up, Kanye keep ya head up
Don't let up, just keep slayin em
Rest in Peace to DJ AM
Cause I know what it's like
I struggle with this shit every single day

Pet Shop Boys - It's a Sin

Ghost Train - Summer Camp

Summer Camp - Ghost Train (viral) from Paddy Power on Vimeo.

Probably my favourite track, and band, of recent months.

Taking My Place Amongst The iPhoned Masses

It's all set up and sexy as hell, my brand new iPhone 3gs 32gb, yeah baby! It is simply the best toy I have ever owned. Already been texting all the best people in the world that I know off of it, I'm such a show off. It's filled with all of, well my most of, my favourite music already and works a dream. The only problem I have is that it doesn't do radio. I hope to sort this a little bit by finding some kind of internet radio app, but I'm almost certain that it won't be able to get Radio 1 at all which I am sheepish to say is my radio station of choice. Maybe this could be a godsend, encouraging me to listen to something a little more different and broad minded for a change?

Ahh I'm so happy with it anyway, and it will actually, in theory, be cheaper to run than my old N95. According to the guy in the Nokia shop I was paying close to £45 a month on my old phone with 500 free minutes or texts, whereas this one is a flat rate bill of £35 per month, with 600 free minutes and 9000 free texts! And 1GB data usage thrown in. Can't grumble with that at all. And the phone is infinitely better than the N95 obviously. This boy is happy with it.

So happy in fact that I just sent my old handset off to an internet recycling website to get £95 for it which will go down a treat this penny pinching month.

In other news, today I am feeling under the weather. Sneezing, coughing, headaches, generally feeling down. I have been told by an authority on the subject that it is what's coined as GlastoFlu. Basically it's a mixture of all the germs that were floating round the Glastonbury site from all the people from all over the world who gathered there and just the general new surroundings, and the fact that you're back in the real world outside the field and having to deal with all of life's quibbles and bullshit again, immune systems low, mental state low, makes for a couple days nastiness. I'm trying to give this weekend up to resting and relaxation but I find that so hard to do. Even when I'm just locked away in my room here I always need to be doing something, tapping away on a keyboard somewhere, flicking through some website. Ok, forced r'n'r begins now.

Yeah anyway, as I said, my iPhone is the bollocks.

Shattered Limbs and Sluggish Mental Processes.

My body is a wreck this week. After a very unsatisfying sleep in my sister's bed last night I have been a zombie today. And as the day dragged on I got lower and lower and lower. Not good for the soul.

Tonight I am spending sorting out my spunky new iPhone. It's a gorgeous white 32gb thing. Setting up iTunes is taking a while though as I have amassed a good 150gb of (mostly illegally downloaded) MP3s on my external hard drive, and iTunes likes to do stuff with them. Hopefully there's not much more to do. I can't wait to play with this thing when it's done.

Also I bought Last Exit To Brooklyn today. I make out that I am well read. I am not. Yes, I read, or at least I go through periods of intense reading, my concentration span is very poor though and I usually get bored mid-book and not touch another for years at a time.

I have to write a little piece of Kirsty's band PebbleRidge tonight as well, I've promised her I'll do it for a while now and last night I said it'd definitely get done today. But as I said, this iPhone needs sorting first off. Then the writing. Then I shall be in bed by 10.30pm. Promise.

Inebriated and penniless on Oldham Street

I've comandeered my sister's flat tonight. All I'm going to use it for is sleeping. I stayed in this flat, sleeping on a blow up mattress in the corner of this room, for two months. It seems a lot less familiar to me now but at the time it was a godsend. Slap bang in the middle of Manchester.

I love my sister's band, PebbleRidge. They played at the Night & Day Cafe earlier tonight and were excellent. Can I describe them? I have to tomorrow for a piece one of Kirsty's friends is going to publish about them but right now the words won't come to me. Don't worry, I'll just pop it up here when I'm done with it.

When I grabbed this laptop and started to write this I had some grand idea of what I was going to say but now I'm sat here alone, with the laptop burning it's outline into my knees, I can't remember what was so profound that I was desperate to get here and tell the world.

My throat is dry and I am pretty much broke for the next month. I will not be paid for the time I took off work for Glastonbury which means that there is now a £200 deficit in my month's finances which cannot be plugged. So I just have to not spend much the next few weeks. I find it so hard to live on a budget. Especially in the city centre.

I'm yawning and tired, people are yelling as they run down an otherwise silent Oldham Street, I need to go and collapse in Kirsty's bed. She's off at her boyfriend Dave's place for the night so tonight her en-suite bedroom belongs to me. Goodnight.

The theme tune to my life.

If you're wondering why
All the love that you long for eludes you
And people are rude and cruel to you
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why

You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must suffer and cry for a longer time
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
And I'm telling you now ...

If you're wondering why
When all I wanted from life was to be Famous
I have tried for so long, it's all gone wrong
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
But you wouldn't believe me

You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must suffer and cry for a longer time
You just haven't earned it yet, Baby
And I'm telling you now ...
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why

Today I am remembering the time
When they pulled me back
And held me down
And looked me in the eyes and said
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, my son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must stay on your own for slightly longer
You just haven't earned it yet baby
And I'm telling you now ...

You just haven't earned it yet, baby
Oh ...
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
Oh ...
Oh

-The Smiths.

Glastonbury Festival 2010: My Definitive Description.

There is definitely reason for me to write down exactly what I did at Glastonbury this year. It was, by all accounts, the greatest Glastonbury festival ever, the 40th anniversary. And for me it was certainly better than last year and possibly one of the best weekends of my entire life.

We start the narrative on Wednesday, got the train down to Somerset with Meredith, carrying a selection of incredibly heavy rucksacks, tents, sleeping bags and carriers full of kit. The train went Piccadilly to Birmingham, on to Taunton, Castle Cary and then the shuttle bus to the festival site. Then a trek across the site to the Park Home Ground where we finally pitched up, nine hours after leaving, in a little site with Mike, Matt R and their mate Alex. That night was spent sleeping.

The next day was spent exploring the festival grounds, eating, lying in the scorching sun and generally relaxing with a couple cans of lager. The evening was spent up at the Stone Circle celebrating Alison's birthday. I hadn't seen her in so long so it was excellent to catch up with her again and spend a bit of time chatting.

Friday it all began properly. Where's my festival program? I want to write down exactly who I saw... got it! Right, Friday began with a hilarious set by Rolf Harris on the Pyramid Stage. Possibly the best bit about it was trying to explain to Meredith, an American girl from the midwest who had never heard of him before, why he was so brilliant. Her overall opinion following his set was "He kinda sucked".
Following on from that we stood toward the back of the Other Stage field to watch The Stranglers, and then worked our way to the front for The Courteeners and Phoenix. The Courteeners were one of the main bands to completely turn around my opinion of them with their performance. I pretty much discarded them beforehand, they were like a less good version of The View, indie rockers with guitars and nothing much else about them in my eyes, but their set took me by suprise, they blasted the songs out and they just took me over somehow. For whatever reason I am now a fan. Phoenix as well, I liked them before but I just supposed they would come onstage, play their songs pretty soberly and then leave, but they were really enthusiastic, very lively, the singer was the first of many who I'd see walk down from the front of the stage and approach the crowd during the weekend, they just seemed to be really enjoying it as much as the audience was. So a very good start to the weekend.

Afterwards we went to the Pyramid Stage to catch a lightning fast stormer of a set from Vampire Weekend, they literally crammed every song you would want them to play from their two albums into an hour long set. Took myself along to the Leftfield tent then to see Carl Barat who played a mixture of new solo songs, Dirty Pretty Things best tracks and some Libertines classics. Can't say I was too taken by his new solo material but that might just be because you can never get an idea of a track when you hear it live for the first time. But the Libertines songs just turned the crowd crazy. Finally I went back to the Pyramid Stage for the Gorillaz set. Everyone seems to have their own opinion of it and according to people I spoke to 80% of people hated it, and 20% of people loved it. I would argue that those 80% just didn't really care much for them in the first place past Dare, Feel Good Inc and Clint Eastwood and everyone who did genuinely like them, and was aware of who Mark E Smith and Lou Reed were would fall into that enlightened 20% but maybe that's just snobbery. Mark E Smith and Lou Reed performed with them during their set by the way, as did Snoop Dogg, Shaun Ryder and a bunch of rappers/hip-hop artists who I don't really know but were still excellent.

I was on a little downer after that evening for a reason or two so tracked down Mike, Alex and Alex's girlfriend Jen for a little entertainment. We walked through Arcadia and then found a little bar in The Common where one of the bar staff would climb onto the bar every hour or so and play a saxophone solo over whatever music they were playing, to dance, drink and sniff poppers in through til the early hours which definitely lifted the spirits.

Saturday morning began watching Two Door Cinema Club followed by a brief stint in the Orange Chill'n'Charge tent that I spent talking to a gorgeous blonde Irish Stornaway fan girl in massive aviator shades who used to live in Manchester and a random 40 year old guy from New Zealand via Rhyl. After that I told Mike to come watch Imogen Heap with me, who played another highlight set of the festival for me, all sampling wine glasses live on stage and accapella crowd interaction numbers. She also played Let Go which I was blown away by, one of my favourite songs ever and as it's a Frou Frou track as opposed to her solo material I didn't consider she might play it.

After that I was well placed to see Kate Nash. I am a massive Kate Nash fanboy, let that be known to the world. I think My Best Friend Is You is a great indie pop album, Don't You Want To Share The Guilt is a modern day alt-pop classic. She is stunning and has the potential to be a real feminist icon. They didn't show it on the TV footage but toward the end she went on a big call-to-arms rant about how the number of male musical composers outweighs female composers and how people need to change that and also jumped down from the stage throwing water over herself from the barrels, screaming down the mike and flapping her oversized outfit about not giving a toss about the fact she was flashing her giant granny pants to whoever was watching. Genuinely love her.

Quickly ran to the Pyramid Stage to catch The Dead Weather then who were good, then hot footed it back to the Other Stage for The Cribs. Definitley the greatest indie band around right now. They walked on to the Twin Peaks theme tune. At one point when I looked up at the stage the realisation hit me, I was staring at The Cribs, playing with Johnny Marr, whilst Lee Ranaldo from Sonic Youth was being shown on the big screens either side of the stage doing his spoken word part for Be Safe, with Kate Nash stood at the side of the stage cheering them on. My eyes nearly burst.

Off then to see The XX on the John Peel Stage. Great band, played much as they sound on record only they brough Florence without her machine on to play You Got The Love only I didn't witness this fully as we left halfway through their set to sit on the grass outside, my feet were near bleeding at that point. But somehow we found the energy to get back in there for Jamie T's headline set. That was the first time I'd ever watched Jamie T play live and I wasn't dissapointed. He roared through each and every track about twice the speed as they are on record and bounced around the stage like a slightly sedated Tigger off of Winnie The Pooh.

The following night then included an aborted attempt at finding Strummerville with a few other people I'd known once upon a time, but Shangri-La had been closed off as it was too busy, and I was too tired to hang about so just went back to the tent to sleep.

Sunday then, the final morning, kicked off with The Joy Formidable on the Other Stage, I had never ever heard them before, just went to see them from some vague internet recommendation but was so very glad I had, they were a grungey force of a band who haven't even released a proper album yet, which reminds me I need to get every single thing of theirs I can find downloaded as soon as I stop writing this.

Quickly took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for Paloma Faith. Again this was a defining Glastonbury 2010 moment for me again. Her stage set was ridiculous, she was running around with two giant balloons attached to her shoulders which looked like they were going to launch her into full flight at any given moment. I knew some of her songs before but every single one was so luscious and haunting, I had a bit of an epiphany moment during Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?

Saw Everything Everything after this in the John Peel tent, then met my brother for a bit of a wander and chat. Went to find Meredith after that and sat for a bit toward the back of the Other Stage for possibly the only two underwhelming performances I experienced all weekend, The Temper Trap and Grizzly Bear. Following from that myself and Mike barged our ways down to the front again for We Are Scientists, Mike hardly knew them either but went mad for it, same with MGMT who were just enthralling, a complete psychadelic indie haze, what made it a little more trippy is that we seemed to be surrounded by teenage girls in full blue avatar body paint who kept insisting on climbing onto Mike's shoulders, and a guy stood behind us who kept waving a fluffy sheep over our heads.

Onto the final acts of the weekend, Julian Casablancas was definitely up there. Had gone along expecting maybe his solo album from start to finish but he ended up peppering the highlights of Phrazes For The Young with Strokes songs, whilst running about the stage ranting like an indecipherable lunatic, kitted out in a red 80s shellsuit jacket and blonde streak in his hair.

Finally I took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for the closing Stevie Wonder set which was simply breathtaking. Happened to be stood next to Jo Whiley for near enough the whole thing as well which added to the surrealness. Him closing with Happy Birthday featuring Micheal Eavis rounded it all off perfectly. And then it was time for sleep, and an early trek back to the shuttle bus stop to get the train back to Manchester.

All in all a fantastic weekend with some of my best friends, it had it's highs, it had it's lows, it had plenty of smoothies, waffles and bacon baguettes. Cannot wait until Glastonbury 2011 now! I will be there. I have the bug, I will be one of those beer bellied 40 year olds who walk around the site with their bucket hats on.

Realize.

"I was sitting at home and had a profound experience. I experienced, in all of my Being, that someday I was going to die, and it wouldn't be like it had been happening, almost dying but somehow staying alive, but I would just die! And two things would happen right before I died: I would regret my entire life; I would want to live it over again. This terrified me. The thought that I would live my entire life, look at it and realize I blew it forced me to do something with my life." - Hubert Selby Jr.

Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?

 

Prophet took my hand on all saints day
He preached the value of deception
Changing shadows by a shapeshifters rules
Tales are never just for fools

The court of conscience came before me
Presenting me with a heavenly angel
You took my hand and asked me, truth aside
To his questions I replied

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you

He stood as tall as redwood trees
Drank tea from a seamstress' thimble
Didn't want to speak, the honest truth
So I spit out lies that aimed to soothe

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you

Secrets, lying, falling veils
I can be who you want me to be
Sacred, lies in, telling tales
I can be who you want me to be
But do you want me?

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you

Sacred lies in, tellng tales
I can be who you want me to be
I can be who you want me to be
But do you want me?
But do you want me?

Ridiculously excited for Glastonbury 2010

This time tomorrow I will be well away on a train down to Somerset for Glastonbury 2010. I really cannot, cannot wait! I am hideously excited like you can't believe. I've planned all the bands I'm going to, or at least want to, see. There seem to be a million people going as well who I can't wait to meet up with. Honestly I've not been this excited for something in ages.

Today will be a severe rest and packing fest. I have nothing packed yet, but I have everything bought.

Also I'm having a phone dilemna. I got my phone back from 3 earlier, they've fixed it. Now I could take the replacement phone back to the 3 store and get my £30 deposit refunded which is a little extra cash for Glastonbury but then have to spend half of my festival in the Orange recharge tent, or just keep this one and make do with the money I have. Hummm! Let's think.

Catch you after Glastonbury anyway!

Future classics.

I occasionally get massive ideas of massive novels I will write. I got one on the bus home a moment ago. This one is a ginormous concept and I wouldn't be able to write it until I'd written three or four others already. But basically it's a giant plotline taking in the whole spectrum of society. Part conspiracy theory based, focussing on the untouchable few at the top of the pile, the leaders of the banks, businesses, politics, all up in their ivory tower planning world events and agendas, and then down to the normal person on the street who can't or wouldn't accept that anything like that would happen in real life, as they just lap up mass media and work the 9-5.

It sounds very cliched when put like that, but the whole point would be that there would be a narrative within it, normal people leading normal lives which unbeknownst to them is a complete lie. There's a complete worldview that I have fragments of in my head, I'm currently putting it together myself but when it's compiled it will all be set out within this book, in the guise of fiction.

Before that though I have to write my first novel, which will be a slice of life, slightly autobiographical story about an awkward, directionless, 20-something man with masses of wasted potential, in modern Britain, working in a supermarket, living the life of an underachiever but trying to make something more of himself, whilst trying his hardest to overcome his absolute apathy.

Currently I'm not sure what the second novel will be. It could be a collection of short stories, it could be a total piece of fantasy writing. It's completely unplanned as of yet, which is cool.

I will write all of the above before I am 40. That's a long time frame I know but I'm in no rush.

Social camouflage.

Do you ever wonder where yourself starts and the rest of the world begins? As in, what makes you, you? What is truly your personality? If you trace things back all of your interests or traits are formed by others. Your attitude and behaviour was molded at a very young age by your parents, family or people who surround you. Even more so than that all of your hobbies and interests, they were all suggested by someone else and you just took it and ran with it because they appeased the conditions surrounding you at the time. You are you as the consequence of outside influences. So then, what are you? The realisation of ultimate futility. It's nasty huh.

Let's go get milkshakes!

Antisocial.

I'm feeling incredibly antisocial this week. My brother came up to Manchester to visit last week. We went to the Academy to watch Supergrass, with The Coral supporting, who were both fantastic. Supergrass were playing their farewell tour and so played songs from all their albums starting with their latest and working their way backward down to I Should Coco, finishing with Alright and Caught By The Fuzz in the encore. Had a very sweaty, moshy time.

Then we also went to the Parklife Festival at Platts Field Park which was excellent, we saw Calvin Harris, Erol Alkan, Vitalic and Friendly Fires. All was good there until some random girl gave me some mephadrone in the middle of the crowd for Friendly Fires and I had to spend the rest of the evening pretending I was entirely sober or just a little drunk. Either way it was fun.

But that seems to have taken the socialness out of me. I love spending time with my brother, I wish I could spend more time with him! Now I'm just feeling a bit meh. I'll be seeing him at Glastonbury next week anyway which should be excellent.

Yes, Glastonbury's next week, this is the main thing that's pulling me through right now. I'm going up on the train with Meredith, camping with Mike and Matt as per normal and whoever else they pull along. Cannot wait at all for it, there's just another four measly workdays to go now.

So as I said, I am feeling incredibly antisocial. Last night I came home from work and just fell asleep almost instantly. Tonight I feel I should go downstairs and mingle with the housemates for a couple hours at least. My plan is to make myself some supernoodles and go sit in the living room and eat it with whoever happens to be sat in there watching TV. I'm not good at socialising with strangers though, I thought it would be good to move in with total strangers so I could get to know them but now I realise I would have much rather moved in with people who kept themselves to themselves, or maybe a few less people than other housemates. There's no alone time unless I lock myself away in my room, which is fine by me but they always question it.

I do live on a very nice street though with a park opposite me so I can't complain.

My stomach is still in knots by the way but I'm currently working on untieing them. Coming along nicely. Right I shall pop downstairs at 7pm and cook myself up something edible and then socialise.

I hate that I can be such a doormat.

Currently I am filled with a load of thoughts I need to get out but there is no paper around so I am afraid it is all going to come out on to this blog. This is the last post I write about her, I promise.

At the moment I feel like I am being taken as for a mug. A big old lap dog that she will take advantage of when she needs it and then just chuck away when she has better things to do. In the beginning I thought hey, that's fine, she's on holiday, she wants to have fun, get to know a few people, do what she wants. But now I'm realising that I have been totally and utterly just tossed aside at the moment. All I have offered is friendship, and I've been given next to none in return.

I ask her for nights out but she is always too busy seeing other people. I don't think she's ever too busy for these other people by the way, I get the odd night when she hasn't planned anything with them. Tonight for instance, she owes me £75 for Glastonbury train tickets and we planned for her to meet me tonight and give it me, but tonight when I text her after work she says she can't see me tonight as she's at a friends so can we meet tomorrow.

That is the final straw basically. Point 1, I got her her Glastonbury ticket, she wouldn't have had one unless I had gone online at 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning and booked it for her. Point 2, I paid for her train ticket as  know where we're going etc and said she could pay me back. Point 3, after the first 2 points we made a simple plan where we would meet so she could give me the £75 she owes me for making the first 2 points happen. And yet she fucks me off.

Why did the final straw not come earlier? Because she still texts me out of the blue, giving the most vague, effortless notion of friendship and I just lap it up.

Some stuff happened the other night as well. I invited her out with Kirsty, Dave and a bunch of other people as well. Now I don't know if this happened or if I just thought I saw something, but I thought that she was making out with one of Dave's friends. I was pretty much gutted, that she would come out with me in that situation, with my sister and her boyfriend, and proceed to kiss my sister's boyfriend's mate, but I just took her to one side and admitted that I was really into her. She just said that I wasn't, that she "wasn't my type". I have heard this before from other girls and it basically means "You're not my type".

Any other girl and I would cut ties completely from her just simply. But I can't because we have to go to Glastonbury together. I want to cut ties until then if possible, but already she has me screwing my head up because we have to meet tomorrow. This is so infuriating!

So we shall see what happens tomorrow.

About A Girl

I've been trying to conduct this post in my head for days now but I cannot seem to find the right way to put it. Basically it is about the girl. She is in my head constantly at the moment. Or rather the fact that I somehow managed to screw everything that could have been up with her within only two meetings through my own inability to express myself and my feelings. Imagine the scenario, you're there alone with the girl of your dreams for an entire evening. You absolutely adore her, every single thing about her, but you don't say a word. At the end of the night rather than doing anything to even remotely show your affection you simply give her a hug and say bye. You walk away thinking "Agh what a wasted chance! Ok well tomorrow I shall make sure it happens".

Only when tomorrow comes around she won't see you and from that point on her life gets more and more exciting as she meets new people and does new things, and you're just left there regretting the fact you didn't show her how you felt when you had the chance, feeling more and more anxious and upset about it every second of every day. That is where I am right now.

I've been here before, I just didn't want to be here again and haven't been in a long while now. The worst thing is I am totally ready to show her how I feel now, I was the following day, but she won't even let me see her so I physically can't do it. I know there's still a lot of time left, she's going to be here for 3 months, and specifically for at least 1 week there we are going to be together for a period of time regardless.

The worst thing is that I do this all the time, I am always too scared to admit how I feel. Granted this time I had reasons I'd given myself beforehand. I didn't want to be just another guy who was fawning after her, I felt like it was more important to be a friend to her than have any romantic intentions.But from the lack of interest I'm being shown as a friend I think what was the point in holding myself back like that.

I'd like to say this has finally taught me my lesson that in situations such as this honesty is best, always let the girl know how you feel regardless of whether she reciprocates or not. The problem is I never find myself in these situations anymore. This is the first time in a long time I've been here and it may be even longer, and less enjoyable, whenever I find myself here again.

Going to try my hardest to get over it anyway.

Why is it I always feel more inspired in cities?

Walking through the park a moment ago to Aldi, I felt inspired all of a sudden. I've not felt that way in years, like I wanted to write down everything I was feeling at that moment. It was a spring evening, seven o'clock, I was walking through Hullard Park in Old Trafford, Manchester, just yards from my new home. A load of Asian kids were running around on the grass throwing water balloons at each other, a skinny, shaven headed white man was walking his dog and a fat, wart-faced old white woman was plodding along behind him, you don't get scenes like this in North Devon.
My chest was feeling dull, I've realised now that I probably do experience things and take things to heart a little more extremely than your average man, even as a now fully grown adult. A girl told me earlier that she wanted to see me tomorrow but only after she'd spent time with another man. Now your average man would be sufficiently upset at this but it kind of just closed me down. I backed off completely, said if that's the case then I may not be able to see her at all because it'll be too late. This isn't really the case, I could have gone to see her a little later but the thought of her choosing and arranging to see that man purposely before seeing me really cut deep. It made me chest feel deflate and my stomach churn, real physical reactions that put me out and make my body tense up. I immediately tried to backtrack, said "well whenever you're free give me a ring and I'll try and make it along" but the damage may have already been done, it may have been a green light for her to disregard me entirely and spend all evening with this man.

There, do you understand what I mean? Completely over thinking things. Could you even bear five minutes in my head? Is it any wonder I find it so hard to communicate with the outside world at times when there is all of this constantly happening? What I'm finding now is that it's more important for me to force myself into social situations to silence the internal chatter, understand that people don't have such a problem with my closedness as I may imagine, I think a lot of people don't even notice it, they're too wrapped up in their own little worlds. And the more time you spend in such situations the less time you're thinking too much, it's hard to overthink when you're spending more time actually doing.

Which is where you found me tonight, walking through Hullard Park on my way to Aldi, when I'm overwhelmed with the beauty of a summer's evening I have less time to confuse myself with whatever's buzzing around my tortured skull. This also explains why I feel the need to take myself downstairs now, sit with the housemates and try and watch a bit of tele with them.

New Home Again

Moved into a new place finally, in Manchester. In Old Trafford. Between you and I, it's far from perfect. I'm living with five other people, all of them seem nice but I'm not sure that I'm gonna fit in. I hope I do, but we shall see. I'm being my normal awkward, nervous self I think. So far I'm trying to act friendly, though I'm worried the girl who lives here, a romanian girl, is already finding me a bit weird and annoyed that I don't have much of my own stuff. I think they all find that a bit peculiar actually. I'm only on a 3 month contract anyway, once that's up I can move out or stay on as I please, there's nothing keeping me tied.

I'm also getting the fear a little, worrying about when Kirsty ends up leaving Manchester, what I'll do then. She's only here for three more months, then she moves to London. I'll have completed my three months call centre experience then though and have the ability to move on to pastures new myself if I wanted so it's not that much of a worry I suppose.

The thing I'm most looking forward to right now is Meredith coming over, she arrives on Tuesday. Maybe I'm putting too much on her visiting, chances are she'll meet a load of other people here and not want to spend much time with me at all. It'd be nice if she did want to hang out with me a fair bit though. I'm supposed to be meeting her on Tuesday night for movies and wine, which I'm looking forward to.

Other than that things are same as ever. Spent yesterday sat out in the early summer sunshine at Castlefield with Kirsty, Dave, Dave's friend Craig, Kirsty's old boss Seb, his brother Cedric, their friend Sara and a bunch of others which was nice, then we went back to Seb's and just drank a load more. Afterwards I came back here, around 1am, and sat watching tele with the new housemates for a little before my first night's sleep in my brand new bed.

Today I took a trek down to the Asda in Hulme, about a 20 minute walk away and bought a bunch of plates, glasses, bowls, some orange juice and ribena. There are still more things I need, it's gonna take a while to get everything I think, but I'll get there.

So yes, that's our regular catch up done. Regular nervous moaning over with. Got work again tomorrow, that's getting better and all. Hoping to start achieving my targets this week, which would be nice.