About A Girl

I've been trying to conduct this post in my head for days now but I cannot seem to find the right way to put it. Basically it is about the girl. She is in my head constantly at the moment. Or rather the fact that I somehow managed to screw everything that could have been up with her within only two meetings through my own inability to express myself and my feelings. Imagine the scenario, you're there alone with the girl of your dreams for an entire evening. You absolutely adore her, every single thing about her, but you don't say a word. At the end of the night rather than doing anything to even remotely show your affection you simply give her a hug and say bye. You walk away thinking "Agh what a wasted chance! Ok well tomorrow I shall make sure it happens".

Only when tomorrow comes around she won't see you and from that point on her life gets more and more exciting as she meets new people and does new things, and you're just left there regretting the fact you didn't show her how you felt when you had the chance, feeling more and more anxious and upset about it every second of every day. That is where I am right now.

I've been here before, I just didn't want to be here again and haven't been in a long while now. The worst thing is I am totally ready to show her how I feel now, I was the following day, but she won't even let me see her so I physically can't do it. I know there's still a lot of time left, she's going to be here for 3 months, and specifically for at least 1 week there we are going to be together for a period of time regardless.

The worst thing is that I do this all the time, I am always too scared to admit how I feel. Granted this time I had reasons I'd given myself beforehand. I didn't want to be just another guy who was fawning after her, I felt like it was more important to be a friend to her than have any romantic intentions.But from the lack of interest I'm being shown as a friend I think what was the point in holding myself back like that.

I'd like to say this has finally taught me my lesson that in situations such as this honesty is best, always let the girl know how you feel regardless of whether she reciprocates or not. The problem is I never find myself in these situations anymore. This is the first time in a long time I've been here and it may be even longer, and less enjoyable, whenever I find myself here again.

Going to try my hardest to get over it anyway.