Monday 7 June 2010

I hate that I can be such a doormat.

Currently I am filled with a load of thoughts I need to get out but there is no paper around so I am afraid it is all going to come out on to this blog. This is the last post I write about her, I promise.

At the moment I feel like I am being taken as for a mug. A big old lap dog that she will take advantage of when she needs it and then just chuck away when she has better things to do. In the beginning I thought hey, that's fine, she's on holiday, she wants to have fun, get to know a few people, do what she wants. But now I'm realising that I have been totally and utterly just tossed aside at the moment. All I have offered is friendship, and I've been given next to none in return.

I ask her for nights out but she is always too busy seeing other people. I don't think she's ever too busy for these other people by the way, I get the odd night when she hasn't planned anything with them. Tonight for instance, she owes me £75 for Glastonbury train tickets and we planned for her to meet me tonight and give it me, but tonight when I text her after work she says she can't see me tonight as she's at a friends so can we meet tomorrow.

That is the final straw basically. Point 1, I got her her Glastonbury ticket, she wouldn't have had one unless I had gone online at 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning and booked it for her. Point 2, I paid for her train ticket as  know where we're going etc and said she could pay me back. Point 3, after the first 2 points we made a simple plan where we would meet so she could give me the £75 she owes me for making the first 2 points happen. And yet she fucks me off.

Why did the final straw not come earlier? Because she still texts me out of the blue, giving the most vague, effortless notion of friendship and I just lap it up.

Some stuff happened the other night as well. I invited her out with Kirsty, Dave and a bunch of other people as well. Now I don't know if this happened or if I just thought I saw something, but I thought that she was making out with one of Dave's friends. I was pretty much gutted, that she would come out with me in that situation, with my sister and her boyfriend, and proceed to kiss my sister's boyfriend's mate, but I just took her to one side and admitted that I was really into her. She just said that I wasn't, that she "wasn't my type". I have heard this before from other girls and it basically means "You're not my type".

Any other girl and I would cut ties completely from her just simply. But I can't because we have to go to Glastonbury together. I want to cut ties until then if possible, but already she has me screwing my head up because we have to meet tomorrow. This is so infuriating!

So we shall see what happens tomorrow.

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