Wednesday 30 June 2010
The theme tune to my life.
If you're wondering why
All the love that you long for eludes you
And people are rude and cruel to you
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must suffer and cry for a longer time
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
And I'm telling you now ...
If you're wondering why
When all I wanted from life was to be Famous
I have tried for so long, it's all gone wrong
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
But you wouldn't believe me
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must suffer and cry for a longer time
You just haven't earned it yet, Baby
And I'm telling you now ...
I'll tell you why
I'll tell you why
Today I am remembering the time
When they pulled me back
And held me down
And looked me in the eyes and said
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You just haven't earned it, my son
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
You must stay on your own for slightly longer
You just haven't earned it yet baby
And I'm telling you now ...
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
Oh ...
You just haven't earned it yet, baby
Oh ...
Oh
-The Smiths.
Tuesday 29 June 2010
Glastonbury Festival 2010: My Definitive Description.
There is definitely reason for me to write down exactly what I did at Glastonbury this year. It was, by all accounts, the greatest Glastonbury festival ever, the 40th anniversary. And for me it was certainly better than last year and possibly one of the best weekends of my entire life.
We start the narrative on Wednesday, got the train down to Somerset with Meredith, carrying a selection of incredibly heavy rucksacks, tents, sleeping bags and carriers full of kit. The train went Piccadilly to Birmingham, on to Taunton, Castle Cary and then the shuttle bus to the festival site. Then a trek across the site to the Park Home Ground where we finally pitched up, nine hours after leaving, in a little site with Mike, Matt R and their mate Alex. That night was spent sleeping.
The next day was spent exploring the festival grounds, eating, lying in the scorching sun and generally relaxing with a couple cans of lager. The evening was spent up at the Stone Circle celebrating Alison's birthday. I hadn't seen her in so long so it was excellent to catch up with her again and spend a bit of time chatting.
Friday it all began properly. Where's my festival program? I want to write down exactly who I saw... got it! Right, Friday began with a hilarious set by Rolf Harris on the Pyramid Stage. Possibly the best bit about it was trying to explain to Meredith, an American girl from the midwest who had never heard of him before, why he was so brilliant. Her overall opinion following his set was "He kinda sucked".
Following on from that we stood toward the back of the Other Stage field to watch The Stranglers, and then worked our way to the front for The Courteeners and Phoenix. The Courteeners were one of the main bands to completely turn around my opinion of them with their performance. I pretty much discarded them beforehand, they were like a less good version of The View, indie rockers with guitars and nothing much else about them in my eyes, but their set took me by suprise, they blasted the songs out and they just took me over somehow. For whatever reason I am now a fan. Phoenix as well, I liked them before but I just supposed they would come onstage, play their songs pretty soberly and then leave, but they were really enthusiastic, very lively, the singer was the first of many who I'd see walk down from the front of the stage and approach the crowd during the weekend, they just seemed to be really enjoying it as much as the audience was. So a very good start to the weekend.
Afterwards we went to the Pyramid Stage to catch a lightning fast stormer of a set from Vampire Weekend, they literally crammed every song you would want them to play from their two albums into an hour long set. Took myself along to the Leftfield tent then to see Carl Barat who played a mixture of new solo songs, Dirty Pretty Things best tracks and some Libertines classics. Can't say I was too taken by his new solo material but that might just be because you can never get an idea of a track when you hear it live for the first time. But the Libertines songs just turned the crowd crazy. Finally I went back to the Pyramid Stage for the Gorillaz set. Everyone seems to have their own opinion of it and according to people I spoke to 80% of people hated it, and 20% of people loved it. I would argue that those 80% just didn't really care much for them in the first place past Dare, Feel Good Inc and Clint Eastwood and everyone who did genuinely like them, and was aware of who Mark E Smith and Lou Reed were would fall into that enlightened 20% but maybe that's just snobbery. Mark E Smith and Lou Reed performed with them during their set by the way, as did Snoop Dogg, Shaun Ryder and a bunch of rappers/hip-hop artists who I don't really know but were still excellent.
I was on a little downer after that evening for a reason or two so tracked down Mike, Alex and Alex's girlfriend Jen for a little entertainment. We walked through Arcadia and then found a little bar in The Common where one of the bar staff would climb onto the bar every hour or so and play a saxophone solo over whatever music they were playing, to dance, drink and sniff poppers in through til the early hours which definitely lifted the spirits.
Saturday morning began watching Two Door Cinema Club followed by a brief stint in the Orange Chill'n'Charge tent that I spent talking to a gorgeous blonde Irish Stornaway fan girl in massive aviator shades who used to live in Manchester and a random 40 year old guy from New Zealand via Rhyl. After that I told Mike to come watch Imogen Heap with me, who played another highlight set of the festival for me, all sampling wine glasses live on stage and accapella crowd interaction numbers. She also played Let Go which I was blown away by, one of my favourite songs ever and as it's a Frou Frou track as opposed to her solo material I didn't consider she might play it.
After that I was well placed to see Kate Nash. I am a massive Kate Nash fanboy, let that be known to the world. I think My Best Friend Is You is a great indie pop album, Don't You Want To Share The Guilt is a modern day alt-pop classic. She is stunning and has the potential to be a real feminist icon. They didn't show it on the TV footage but toward the end she went on a big call-to-arms rant about how the number of male musical composers outweighs female composers and how people need to change that and also jumped down from the stage throwing water over herself from the barrels, screaming down the mike and flapping her oversized outfit about not giving a toss about the fact she was flashing her giant granny pants to whoever was watching. Genuinely love her.
Quickly ran to the Pyramid Stage to catch The Dead Weather then who were good, then hot footed it back to the Other Stage for The Cribs. Definitley the greatest indie band around right now. They walked on to the Twin Peaks theme tune. At one point when I looked up at the stage the realisation hit me, I was staring at The Cribs, playing with Johnny Marr, whilst Lee Ranaldo from Sonic Youth was being shown on the big screens either side of the stage doing his spoken word part for Be Safe, with Kate Nash stood at the side of the stage cheering them on. My eyes nearly burst.
Off then to see The XX on the John Peel Stage. Great band, played much as they sound on record only they brough Florence without her machine on to play You Got The Love only I didn't witness this fully as we left halfway through their set to sit on the grass outside, my feet were near bleeding at that point. But somehow we found the energy to get back in there for Jamie T's headline set. That was the first time I'd ever watched Jamie T play live and I wasn't dissapointed. He roared through each and every track about twice the speed as they are on record and bounced around the stage like a slightly sedated Tigger off of Winnie The Pooh.
The following night then included an aborted attempt at finding Strummerville with a few other people I'd known once upon a time, but Shangri-La had been closed off as it was too busy, and I was too tired to hang about so just went back to the tent to sleep.
Sunday then, the final morning, kicked off with The Joy Formidable on the Other Stage, I had never ever heard them before, just went to see them from some vague internet recommendation but was so very glad I had, they were a grungey force of a band who haven't even released a proper album yet, which reminds me I need to get every single thing of theirs I can find downloaded as soon as I stop writing this.
Quickly took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for Paloma Faith. Again this was a defining Glastonbury 2010 moment for me again. Her stage set was ridiculous, she was running around with two giant balloons attached to her shoulders which looked like they were going to launch her into full flight at any given moment. I knew some of her songs before but every single one was so luscious and haunting, I had a bit of an epiphany moment during Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Saw Everything Everything after this in the John Peel tent, then met my brother for a bit of a wander and chat. Went to find Meredith after that and sat for a bit toward the back of the Other Stage for possibly the only two underwhelming performances I experienced all weekend, The Temper Trap and Grizzly Bear. Following from that myself and Mike barged our ways down to the front again for We Are Scientists, Mike hardly knew them either but went mad for it, same with MGMT who were just enthralling, a complete psychadelic indie haze, what made it a little more trippy is that we seemed to be surrounded by teenage girls in full blue avatar body paint who kept insisting on climbing onto Mike's shoulders, and a guy stood behind us who kept waving a fluffy sheep over our heads.
Onto the final acts of the weekend, Julian Casablancas was definitely up there. Had gone along expecting maybe his solo album from start to finish but he ended up peppering the highlights of Phrazes For The Young with Strokes songs, whilst running about the stage ranting like an indecipherable lunatic, kitted out in a red 80s shellsuit jacket and blonde streak in his hair.
Finally I took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for the closing Stevie Wonder set which was simply breathtaking. Happened to be stood next to Jo Whiley for near enough the whole thing as well which added to the surrealness. Him closing with Happy Birthday featuring Micheal Eavis rounded it all off perfectly. And then it was time for sleep, and an early trek back to the shuttle bus stop to get the train back to Manchester.
All in all a fantastic weekend with some of my best friends, it had it's highs, it had it's lows, it had plenty of smoothies, waffles and bacon baguettes. Cannot wait until Glastonbury 2011 now! I will be there. I have the bug, I will be one of those beer bellied 40 year olds who walk around the site with their bucket hats on.
We start the narrative on Wednesday, got the train down to Somerset with Meredith, carrying a selection of incredibly heavy rucksacks, tents, sleeping bags and carriers full of kit. The train went Piccadilly to Birmingham, on to Taunton, Castle Cary and then the shuttle bus to the festival site. Then a trek across the site to the Park Home Ground where we finally pitched up, nine hours after leaving, in a little site with Mike, Matt R and their mate Alex. That night was spent sleeping.
The next day was spent exploring the festival grounds, eating, lying in the scorching sun and generally relaxing with a couple cans of lager. The evening was spent up at the Stone Circle celebrating Alison's birthday. I hadn't seen her in so long so it was excellent to catch up with her again and spend a bit of time chatting.
Friday it all began properly. Where's my festival program? I want to write down exactly who I saw... got it! Right, Friday began with a hilarious set by Rolf Harris on the Pyramid Stage. Possibly the best bit about it was trying to explain to Meredith, an American girl from the midwest who had never heard of him before, why he was so brilliant. Her overall opinion following his set was "He kinda sucked".
Following on from that we stood toward the back of the Other Stage field to watch The Stranglers, and then worked our way to the front for The Courteeners and Phoenix. The Courteeners were one of the main bands to completely turn around my opinion of them with their performance. I pretty much discarded them beforehand, they were like a less good version of The View, indie rockers with guitars and nothing much else about them in my eyes, but their set took me by suprise, they blasted the songs out and they just took me over somehow. For whatever reason I am now a fan. Phoenix as well, I liked them before but I just supposed they would come onstage, play their songs pretty soberly and then leave, but they were really enthusiastic, very lively, the singer was the first of many who I'd see walk down from the front of the stage and approach the crowd during the weekend, they just seemed to be really enjoying it as much as the audience was. So a very good start to the weekend.
Afterwards we went to the Pyramid Stage to catch a lightning fast stormer of a set from Vampire Weekend, they literally crammed every song you would want them to play from their two albums into an hour long set. Took myself along to the Leftfield tent then to see Carl Barat who played a mixture of new solo songs, Dirty Pretty Things best tracks and some Libertines classics. Can't say I was too taken by his new solo material but that might just be because you can never get an idea of a track when you hear it live for the first time. But the Libertines songs just turned the crowd crazy. Finally I went back to the Pyramid Stage for the Gorillaz set. Everyone seems to have their own opinion of it and according to people I spoke to 80% of people hated it, and 20% of people loved it. I would argue that those 80% just didn't really care much for them in the first place past Dare, Feel Good Inc and Clint Eastwood and everyone who did genuinely like them, and was aware of who Mark E Smith and Lou Reed were would fall into that enlightened 20% but maybe that's just snobbery. Mark E Smith and Lou Reed performed with them during their set by the way, as did Snoop Dogg, Shaun Ryder and a bunch of rappers/hip-hop artists who I don't really know but were still excellent.
I was on a little downer after that evening for a reason or two so tracked down Mike, Alex and Alex's girlfriend Jen for a little entertainment. We walked through Arcadia and then found a little bar in The Common where one of the bar staff would climb onto the bar every hour or so and play a saxophone solo over whatever music they were playing, to dance, drink and sniff poppers in through til the early hours which definitely lifted the spirits.
Saturday morning began watching Two Door Cinema Club followed by a brief stint in the Orange Chill'n'Charge tent that I spent talking to a gorgeous blonde Irish Stornaway fan girl in massive aviator shades who used to live in Manchester and a random 40 year old guy from New Zealand via Rhyl. After that I told Mike to come watch Imogen Heap with me, who played another highlight set of the festival for me, all sampling wine glasses live on stage and accapella crowd interaction numbers. She also played Let Go which I was blown away by, one of my favourite songs ever and as it's a Frou Frou track as opposed to her solo material I didn't consider she might play it.
After that I was well placed to see Kate Nash. I am a massive Kate Nash fanboy, let that be known to the world. I think My Best Friend Is You is a great indie pop album, Don't You Want To Share The Guilt is a modern day alt-pop classic. She is stunning and has the potential to be a real feminist icon. They didn't show it on the TV footage but toward the end she went on a big call-to-arms rant about how the number of male musical composers outweighs female composers and how people need to change that and also jumped down from the stage throwing water over herself from the barrels, screaming down the mike and flapping her oversized outfit about not giving a toss about the fact she was flashing her giant granny pants to whoever was watching. Genuinely love her.
Quickly ran to the Pyramid Stage to catch The Dead Weather then who were good, then hot footed it back to the Other Stage for The Cribs. Definitley the greatest indie band around right now. They walked on to the Twin Peaks theme tune. At one point when I looked up at the stage the realisation hit me, I was staring at The Cribs, playing with Johnny Marr, whilst Lee Ranaldo from Sonic Youth was being shown on the big screens either side of the stage doing his spoken word part for Be Safe, with Kate Nash stood at the side of the stage cheering them on. My eyes nearly burst.
Off then to see The XX on the John Peel Stage. Great band, played much as they sound on record only they brough Florence without her machine on to play You Got The Love only I didn't witness this fully as we left halfway through their set to sit on the grass outside, my feet were near bleeding at that point. But somehow we found the energy to get back in there for Jamie T's headline set. That was the first time I'd ever watched Jamie T play live and I wasn't dissapointed. He roared through each and every track about twice the speed as they are on record and bounced around the stage like a slightly sedated Tigger off of Winnie The Pooh.
The following night then included an aborted attempt at finding Strummerville with a few other people I'd known once upon a time, but Shangri-La had been closed off as it was too busy, and I was too tired to hang about so just went back to the tent to sleep.
Sunday then, the final morning, kicked off with The Joy Formidable on the Other Stage, I had never ever heard them before, just went to see them from some vague internet recommendation but was so very glad I had, they were a grungey force of a band who haven't even released a proper album yet, which reminds me I need to get every single thing of theirs I can find downloaded as soon as I stop writing this.
Quickly took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for Paloma Faith. Again this was a defining Glastonbury 2010 moment for me again. Her stage set was ridiculous, she was running around with two giant balloons attached to her shoulders which looked like they were going to launch her into full flight at any given moment. I knew some of her songs before but every single one was so luscious and haunting, I had a bit of an epiphany moment during Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Saw Everything Everything after this in the John Peel tent, then met my brother for a bit of a wander and chat. Went to find Meredith after that and sat for a bit toward the back of the Other Stage for possibly the only two underwhelming performances I experienced all weekend, The Temper Trap and Grizzly Bear. Following from that myself and Mike barged our ways down to the front again for We Are Scientists, Mike hardly knew them either but went mad for it, same with MGMT who were just enthralling, a complete psychadelic indie haze, what made it a little more trippy is that we seemed to be surrounded by teenage girls in full blue avatar body paint who kept insisting on climbing onto Mike's shoulders, and a guy stood behind us who kept waving a fluffy sheep over our heads.
Onto the final acts of the weekend, Julian Casablancas was definitely up there. Had gone along expecting maybe his solo album from start to finish but he ended up peppering the highlights of Phrazes For The Young with Strokes songs, whilst running about the stage ranting like an indecipherable lunatic, kitted out in a red 80s shellsuit jacket and blonde streak in his hair.
Finally I took myself over to the Pyramid Stage for the closing Stevie Wonder set which was simply breathtaking. Happened to be stood next to Jo Whiley for near enough the whole thing as well which added to the surrealness. Him closing with Happy Birthday featuring Micheal Eavis rounded it all off perfectly. And then it was time for sleep, and an early trek back to the shuttle bus stop to get the train back to Manchester.
All in all a fantastic weekend with some of my best friends, it had it's highs, it had it's lows, it had plenty of smoothies, waffles and bacon baguettes. Cannot wait until Glastonbury 2011 now! I will be there. I have the bug, I will be one of those beer bellied 40 year olds who walk around the site with their bucket hats on.
Realize.
"I was sitting at home and had a profound experience. I experienced, in all of my Being, that someday I was going to die, and it wouldn't be like it had been happening, almost dying but somehow staying alive, but I would just die! And two things would happen right before I died: I would regret my entire life; I would want to live it over again. This terrified me. The thought that I would live my entire life, look at it and realize I blew it forced me to do something with my life." - Hubert Selby Jr.
Monday 28 June 2010
Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?
Prophet took my hand on all saints day
He preached the value of deception
Changing shadows by a shapeshifters rules
Tales are never just for fools
The court of conscience came before me
Presenting me with a heavenly angel
You took my hand and asked me, truth aside
To his questions I replied
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you
He stood as tall as redwood trees
Drank tea from a seamstress' thimble
Didn't want to speak, the honest truth
So I spit out lies that aimed to soothe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you
Secrets, lying, falling veils
I can be who you want me to be
Sacred, lies in, telling tales
I can be who you want me to be
But do you want me?
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
Just close your eyes and make believe
Do you want the truth or something beautiful?
I am happy to decieve you
Sacred lies in, tellng tales
I can be who you want me to be
I can be who you want me to be
But do you want me?
But do you want me?
Tuesday 22 June 2010
Ridiculously excited for Glastonbury 2010
This time tomorrow I will be well away on a train down to Somerset for Glastonbury 2010. I really cannot, cannot wait! I am hideously excited like you can't believe. I've planned all the bands I'm going to, or at least want to, see. There seem to be a million people going as well who I can't wait to meet up with. Honestly I've not been this excited for something in ages.
Today will be a severe rest and packing fest. I have nothing packed yet, but I have everything bought.
Also I'm having a phone dilemna. I got my phone back from 3 earlier, they've fixed it. Now I could take the replacement phone back to the 3 store and get my £30 deposit refunded which is a little extra cash for Glastonbury but then have to spend half of my festival in the Orange recharge tent, or just keep this one and make do with the money I have. Hummm! Let's think.
Catch you after Glastonbury anyway!
Today will be a severe rest and packing fest. I have nothing packed yet, but I have everything bought.
Also I'm having a phone dilemna. I got my phone back from 3 earlier, they've fixed it. Now I could take the replacement phone back to the 3 store and get my £30 deposit refunded which is a little extra cash for Glastonbury but then have to spend half of my festival in the Orange recharge tent, or just keep this one and make do with the money I have. Hummm! Let's think.
Catch you after Glastonbury anyway!
Sunday 20 June 2010
Future classics.
I occasionally get massive ideas of massive novels I will write. I got one on the bus home a moment ago. This one is a ginormous concept and I wouldn't be able to write it until I'd written three or four others already. But basically it's a giant plotline taking in the whole spectrum of society. Part conspiracy theory based, focussing on the untouchable few at the top of the pile, the leaders of the banks, businesses, politics, all up in their ivory tower planning world events and agendas, and then down to the normal person on the street who can't or wouldn't accept that anything like that would happen in real life, as they just lap up mass media and work the 9-5.
It sounds very cliched when put like that, but the whole point would be that there would be a narrative within it, normal people leading normal lives which unbeknownst to them is a complete lie. There's a complete worldview that I have fragments of in my head, I'm currently putting it together myself but when it's compiled it will all be set out within this book, in the guise of fiction.
Before that though I have to write my first novel, which will be a slice of life, slightly autobiographical story about an awkward, directionless, 20-something man with masses of wasted potential, in modern Britain, working in a supermarket, living the life of an underachiever but trying to make something more of himself, whilst trying his hardest to overcome his absolute apathy.
Currently I'm not sure what the second novel will be. It could be a collection of short stories, it could be a total piece of fantasy writing. It's completely unplanned as of yet, which is cool.
I will write all of the above before I am 40. That's a long time frame I know but I'm in no rush.
It sounds very cliched when put like that, but the whole point would be that there would be a narrative within it, normal people leading normal lives which unbeknownst to them is a complete lie. There's a complete worldview that I have fragments of in my head, I'm currently putting it together myself but when it's compiled it will all be set out within this book, in the guise of fiction.
Before that though I have to write my first novel, which will be a slice of life, slightly autobiographical story about an awkward, directionless, 20-something man with masses of wasted potential, in modern Britain, working in a supermarket, living the life of an underachiever but trying to make something more of himself, whilst trying his hardest to overcome his absolute apathy.
Currently I'm not sure what the second novel will be. It could be a collection of short stories, it could be a total piece of fantasy writing. It's completely unplanned as of yet, which is cool.
I will write all of the above before I am 40. That's a long time frame I know but I'm in no rush.
Friday 18 June 2010
Social camouflage.
Do you ever wonder where yourself starts and the rest of the world begins? As in, what makes you, you? What is truly your personality? If you trace things back all of your interests or traits are formed by others. Your attitude and behaviour was molded at a very young age by your parents, family or people who surround you. Even more so than that all of your hobbies and interests, they were all suggested by someone else and you just took it and ran with it because they appeased the conditions surrounding you at the time. You are you as the consequence of outside influences. So then, what are you? The realisation of ultimate futility. It's nasty huh.
Let's go get milkshakes!
Let's go get milkshakes!
Tuesday 15 June 2010
Antisocial.
I'm feeling incredibly antisocial this week. My brother came up to Manchester to visit last week. We went to the Academy to watch Supergrass, with The Coral supporting, who were both fantastic. Supergrass were playing their farewell tour and so played songs from all their albums starting with their latest and working their way backward down to I Should Coco, finishing with Alright and Caught By The Fuzz in the encore. Had a very sweaty, moshy time.
Then we also went to the Parklife Festival at Platts Field Park which was excellent, we saw Calvin Harris, Erol Alkan, Vitalic and Friendly Fires. All was good there until some random girl gave me some mephadrone in the middle of the crowd for Friendly Fires and I had to spend the rest of the evening pretending I was entirely sober or just a little drunk. Either way it was fun.
But that seems to have taken the socialness out of me. I love spending time with my brother, I wish I could spend more time with him! Now I'm just feeling a bit meh. I'll be seeing him at Glastonbury next week anyway which should be excellent.
Yes, Glastonbury's next week, this is the main thing that's pulling me through right now. I'm going up on the train with Meredith, camping with Mike and Matt as per normal and whoever else they pull along. Cannot wait at all for it, there's just another four measly workdays to go now.
So as I said, I am feeling incredibly antisocial. Last night I came home from work and just fell asleep almost instantly. Tonight I feel I should go downstairs and mingle with the housemates for a couple hours at least. My plan is to make myself some supernoodles and go sit in the living room and eat it with whoever happens to be sat in there watching TV. I'm not good at socialising with strangers though, I thought it would be good to move in with total strangers so I could get to know them but now I realise I would have much rather moved in with people who kept themselves to themselves, or maybe a few less people than other housemates. There's no alone time unless I lock myself away in my room, which is fine by me but they always question it.
I do live on a very nice street though with a park opposite me so I can't complain.
My stomach is still in knots by the way but I'm currently working on untieing them. Coming along nicely. Right I shall pop downstairs at 7pm and cook myself up something edible and then socialise.
Then we also went to the Parklife Festival at Platts Field Park which was excellent, we saw Calvin Harris, Erol Alkan, Vitalic and Friendly Fires. All was good there until some random girl gave me some mephadrone in the middle of the crowd for Friendly Fires and I had to spend the rest of the evening pretending I was entirely sober or just a little drunk. Either way it was fun.
But that seems to have taken the socialness out of me. I love spending time with my brother, I wish I could spend more time with him! Now I'm just feeling a bit meh. I'll be seeing him at Glastonbury next week anyway which should be excellent.
Yes, Glastonbury's next week, this is the main thing that's pulling me through right now. I'm going up on the train with Meredith, camping with Mike and Matt as per normal and whoever else they pull along. Cannot wait at all for it, there's just another four measly workdays to go now.
So as I said, I am feeling incredibly antisocial. Last night I came home from work and just fell asleep almost instantly. Tonight I feel I should go downstairs and mingle with the housemates for a couple hours at least. My plan is to make myself some supernoodles and go sit in the living room and eat it with whoever happens to be sat in there watching TV. I'm not good at socialising with strangers though, I thought it would be good to move in with total strangers so I could get to know them but now I realise I would have much rather moved in with people who kept themselves to themselves, or maybe a few less people than other housemates. There's no alone time unless I lock myself away in my room, which is fine by me but they always question it.
I do live on a very nice street though with a park opposite me so I can't complain.
My stomach is still in knots by the way but I'm currently working on untieing them. Coming along nicely. Right I shall pop downstairs at 7pm and cook myself up something edible and then socialise.
Monday 7 June 2010
I hate that I can be such a doormat.
Currently I am filled with a load of thoughts I need to get out but there is no paper around so I am afraid it is all going to come out on to this blog. This is the last post I write about her, I promise.
At the moment I feel like I am being taken as for a mug. A big old lap dog that she will take advantage of when she needs it and then just chuck away when she has better things to do. In the beginning I thought hey, that's fine, she's on holiday, she wants to have fun, get to know a few people, do what she wants. But now I'm realising that I have been totally and utterly just tossed aside at the moment. All I have offered is friendship, and I've been given next to none in return.
I ask her for nights out but she is always too busy seeing other people. I don't think she's ever too busy for these other people by the way, I get the odd night when she hasn't planned anything with them. Tonight for instance, she owes me £75 for Glastonbury train tickets and we planned for her to meet me tonight and give it me, but tonight when I text her after work she says she can't see me tonight as she's at a friends so can we meet tomorrow.
That is the final straw basically. Point 1, I got her her Glastonbury ticket, she wouldn't have had one unless I had gone online at 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning and booked it for her. Point 2, I paid for her train ticket as know where we're going etc and said she could pay me back. Point 3, after the first 2 points we made a simple plan where we would meet so she could give me the £75 she owes me for making the first 2 points happen. And yet she fucks me off.
Why did the final straw not come earlier? Because she still texts me out of the blue, giving the most vague, effortless notion of friendship and I just lap it up.
Some stuff happened the other night as well. I invited her out with Kirsty, Dave and a bunch of other people as well. Now I don't know if this happened or if I just thought I saw something, but I thought that she was making out with one of Dave's friends. I was pretty much gutted, that she would come out with me in that situation, with my sister and her boyfriend, and proceed to kiss my sister's boyfriend's mate, but I just took her to one side and admitted that I was really into her. She just said that I wasn't, that she "wasn't my type". I have heard this before from other girls and it basically means "You're not my type".
Any other girl and I would cut ties completely from her just simply. But I can't because we have to go to Glastonbury together. I want to cut ties until then if possible, but already she has me screwing my head up because we have to meet tomorrow. This is so infuriating!
So we shall see what happens tomorrow.
At the moment I feel like I am being taken as for a mug. A big old lap dog that she will take advantage of when she needs it and then just chuck away when she has better things to do. In the beginning I thought hey, that's fine, she's on holiday, she wants to have fun, get to know a few people, do what she wants. But now I'm realising that I have been totally and utterly just tossed aside at the moment. All I have offered is friendship, and I've been given next to none in return.
I ask her for nights out but she is always too busy seeing other people. I don't think she's ever too busy for these other people by the way, I get the odd night when she hasn't planned anything with them. Tonight for instance, she owes me £75 for Glastonbury train tickets and we planned for her to meet me tonight and give it me, but tonight when I text her after work she says she can't see me tonight as she's at a friends so can we meet tomorrow.
That is the final straw basically. Point 1, I got her her Glastonbury ticket, she wouldn't have had one unless I had gone online at 9 o'clock on a Sunday morning and booked it for her. Point 2, I paid for her train ticket as know where we're going etc and said she could pay me back. Point 3, after the first 2 points we made a simple plan where we would meet so she could give me the £75 she owes me for making the first 2 points happen. And yet she fucks me off.
Why did the final straw not come earlier? Because she still texts me out of the blue, giving the most vague, effortless notion of friendship and I just lap it up.
Some stuff happened the other night as well. I invited her out with Kirsty, Dave and a bunch of other people as well. Now I don't know if this happened or if I just thought I saw something, but I thought that she was making out with one of Dave's friends. I was pretty much gutted, that she would come out with me in that situation, with my sister and her boyfriend, and proceed to kiss my sister's boyfriend's mate, but I just took her to one side and admitted that I was really into her. She just said that I wasn't, that she "wasn't my type". I have heard this before from other girls and it basically means "You're not my type".
Any other girl and I would cut ties completely from her just simply. But I can't because we have to go to Glastonbury together. I want to cut ties until then if possible, but already she has me screwing my head up because we have to meet tomorrow. This is so infuriating!
So we shall see what happens tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)